Manweekend

Consider the following:

1. Ty Tobey, a founding Man, was unable to attend Man Weekend 2007.
2. The weather was perfect, the fishing was pretty good (according to Allen), and the Ty-tanic worked flawlessly.

Is there a cause and effect relationship here?

Ty’s absence was an occasional topic of conversation. I now reveal the true reason Ty didn’t show. During his move Ty misplaced his Man Weekend hat and decided he’d rather skip Man Weekend entirely rather than endure the Ordeal of the Garment of Shame. It’s just as well. Man Weekend’s ISP would have probably pulled the plug if those pictures appeared on the web site.

Drama was provided by Gilbert and Scott’s heroic rescue of the Red Rocket when the RR’s new starter motor turned out to be the single-use model. Allen, Tom, Patrick, and Richard spent several hours out in the middle of the bay:

1. Picking pieces of exploded starter motor housing out of
   the engine.
2. Attempting to flag down nearby boats and airplanes.
3. Noting the direction of the drift and wondering if the Venice onion soup place was still open.
4. Franticly trying to remember cell phone numbers.

Fortunately, someone remembered Ty’s number, Ty was able to get Gilbert’s cell phone number from his office, and eventually the AquaPimp came around and, at some risk to its engine, towed the Red Rocket back to Shipyard.

Allen, Patrick, and Tom enjoyed a few minutes of quiet levity when they dropped the anchor while Richard was at the bow in a futile attempt to wield the paddle. Har, har, har guys.

The moral of the story is that if you need to be rescued, either everyone should bring their preprogrammed cell phones or at least one guy should be fishing without a license to insure a timely visit by the game warden.

Ned Atwater, who wants his attendance made a clear part of the record, drove up in his beautiful
30 year old truck. He says he got 18mpg on the ride up. Ned can also be seen in this year’s group shot and in the kayak pictures.

The art of the Man Weekend dinner has been perfected. The Saturday Man Meal was half melt-in-your-mouth meat and half monster shrimps prepared two different ways. The debt the rest of Man Weekend owes to Allen and Patrick for their work is incalculable. Allen brought a case of a dozen 20oz heavy glass goblets that were put into use by those not drinking beer. Whiskey, scotch, G&Ts, wine, and margaritas were being consumed in 20oz servings. Whee!

Tony Reed, a distant cousin to Allen and Richard, and single-star, sends the following:

“The Canadian Man-Weekend Auxiliary Branch, from it’s headquarters in Picton, Prince Edward County, Ont (just across the lake from Rochester NY, see?) wishes y’all all the best for Man-Weekend 2007.

May you always have red meat and strong beverage and a round in the chamber …”

Next year is Man Weekend X and the first gold stars will be awarded to those founding Men who deserve them. The time to start preparations (ie. sweet-talking her) is now!

The panoramic images were made with a free program called Autostitch.

More panoramas can be seen at the Camp Randolph pictures page.

“Neither rain, nor more rain, nor rain all !@#$% day long will keep these Men from their Weekend.”¹

Tom and Ty set a new record for Man Weekend by arriving on Tuesday which, unfortunately, was the only really nice day of the event. Everyone else showed up a few hours earlier than usual² on Thursday, except for Charles:

“We’re the Man Weekend Editorial Board, and we approve the following message:”

Charles’ [censored] boss [redacted], one hour before Charles was supposed to [censored] leave on Thursday, [censored] informed him that he had to [censored] stay for the rest of the [censored] week, despite his heroic effort to successfully met a [censored] Tuesday deadline, to clean up a few [censored] last minute [censored] details. All because their [censored] [censored] client [redacted] insisted on an impossible schedule and Charles’ [censored] [censored] [censored] company [redacted] agreed to it. [Censored] [redacted] did fly Charles up to Burlington on Friday but on a [censored] airline without a [censored] first-class section. We think that this is a huge pile of [censored] [censored] and if it ever happens again we’re all going to go down to to [censored] [censored] [redacted] and stuff some [censored] [censored] up some [censored] [censored] [censored].³

Spirits were further dampened by the inoperability of the Ty-tanic, the main engine seal of which disintegrated over the winter. Ty considered trying to buy a new boat⁴ but in the end decided that he’d rather continue to stay both alive and married.

This year Man Weekend was graced⁵ with the presence of Tobey cottage affiliate Adam who put up with the weather and being called “Copper Pin” with good humor. He even expressed an interest in returning! Talk about a sucker for punishment. It was the unanimous opinion of the other Men that next time Adam should bring his Hummer.

Undaunted by the prospect of getting really wet, the Aqua Pimp, HAM, and Ned & Co.’s fleet of kayaks⁶ ventured forth Friday morning and stayed out nearly all day. The fishing wasn’t great, probably because the lake was too high, but fish were caught and the fact that everyone seemed to have gotten a camera cell phone in the last year means there’s lots of proof.

And proof is good because Ty spent the interleaving year creating rules, entry forms, and log sheets⁷ for the prestigious Frank Martin Tackle Box Award awarded to the Man who catches the largest fish during the weekend, be it ever so humble. The whole thing would have been a lot more effective if Ty actually found Frank Martin’s tackle box, but maybe it’ll show up next year.

One thing that bad weather can’t change is Man Weekend food. Damn those hot Italian sausages are good! I think Patrick and Allen got those good unsliced rolls just to keep the consumption rate closer to Patrick’s production rate. It was Patrick and Allen who brought the sticky rolls that vastly improved the morning coffee set-up.

The Saturday washout meant that instead sitting on their asses, drinking beer, and cultivating sunburn in a healthy outdoors environment; the Men sat on their asses, drank beer, and advanced their pasty white complexions in a smoky indoors environment. The wind made even the Tobey cottage porch uninhabitable so, unusually, the Men congregated in Edgewood⁸. Tom and Ty still can’t agree on what happened to their TV so Richard got out his subminiature notebook computer and queued up Animal House, Blazing Saddles, and the Blues Brothers. Never before have so many watched so much on so little a screen.

The gosh-darn weather actually started to clear up a little Sunday morning, and there was the usual talk of a pre-departure fishing trip, but most Men seemed to want to get this weekend behind them ASAP. But never fear! The weather next year couldn’t possibly be worse! So prepare yourselves for:

Footnotes:

¹A low pressure system stuck over Massachusetts and rotating counter clockwise was pumping moist Atlantic air up into Quebec, through the St. Lawrence River valley, and down to the Green Mountains which forced it up to cooler elevations and caused it to condense into rain. Northeastern Vermont was basically the butt of a 500 mile long rain machine all weekend long.

²Leadfoots! The lot of you!

³[Censored] [censored] [redacted] [censored] [censored] [anatomically unlikely] [censored].

⁴Tom did come up with the perfect successor name however: the Ty-conderoga!

⁵To the extent that anything at Man Weekend can be considered graceful.

⁶One of which is pimped up with a combination GPS receiver/fish finder! See the pictures.

⁷Soon to be available in convenient PDF form at a website near you!

⁸The fact that Edgewood has a wood fueled heater that doesn’t suck probably had something to do with this.

Kudos to Glenn and Gilbert for this year’s motto.

More Men than usual succumbed to The Skirt and sent their regrets this year. This pitiful display of total wimpiness was offset by the fine performance of Ty Tobey who left a critical wedding (not his own) immediately after the second “I, do” and flew up to Burlington in time to get some serious fishing time in. It would be to the advantage of others to learn from his example.

Another fine example was set by Ned Atwater and some of his contingent who showed up Wednesday and had a proper Man Fire Wednesday night! Tom Tobey and Richard Heurtley, who appeared early Thursday, both expecting to garner the prestige of being the First Arrival, now know better what it takes.

Richard regrets to inform his fellow Men that the gorgeous woman who carted him from Richford to Highgate, Jill Lacroix, is Mrs. Vermont 2003. Jill’s husband Marc was invited but couldn’t make Man Weekend this year.

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky the entire time. Temperatures ranged from a comfortable (with a decent sleeping bag) 40 to a really comfortable 70. The lake was a few feet lower than usual and ranged from perfectly calm to mildly rippled. Smaller boats could be beached down at the dock, which those of us with bigger boats thought was an entirely unfair advantage.

The fishing was good. Ned Atwater et al. put in Wes Dunham’s old boat, found a hot spot at the mouth of the creek, and sampled nearly the entire lake’s bass population. The Edgewood crowd caught a bunch of juvenile pike and bass and one nice 5lb northern while anchored “off the dock”. Ty and Richard both caught clams while casting with spinners. Gilbert and Scott, once again, did the best with several fine pike and bass, and have the pictures to prove it.

Chris cooked up a MiniMan Dinner of burgers, dogs, and corn on the cob Friday night with contributions of fries from Glenn and deviled eggs from Allen. For the Saturday Man Meal Allen brought 60 dozen clams and steaks provided by Patrick (who, being skirted, didn’t show up in person but after dinner we forgave him provided he shows up next year and brings more steaks). The surf and turf combination was very well received but a few Men observed that pigging out on clams before the steaks were done was, in retrospect, not such a good idea.

Man Weekend Mechanization took a quantum leap forward when Richard bought a timer module for the coffee urn. Now coffee starts brewing at 6:00am even if no one is in any condition to get up that early.

Combustibles at Camp were getting in short supply (note to Ned: Don’t burn all the wood on Wednesday), but while on a beer run Gilbert, Scott, and Glenn came across the end game of a garage sale and, inspired by the “Everything Free!” sign, loaded up Gilbert’s van with crappy pseudo-wood furniture and other odd and sundry items to fuel Saturday’s fire which was of epic proportions. Even Uncle Arthur (wearing a skirt) would have been impressed.

Early on it seemed like there would be a shortage of boats. Ty was coming late and the AquaPimp was imprisoned behind the Ty-tanic in the Tobey garage. Dennis, who usually hauls the Red Rocket and the HAM out of storage, was out on a medical due to an eye operation. The prospect of being limited to the Lamson’s Cadillac and Uncle Arthur’s 5HP outboard spurred the Men into action and eventually all known boats saw the light of day although the HAM and the Ty-tanic didn’t make it into the water. The Men of Grow Cottage were immune to the near boat crisis because they brought the usual array of superb kayaks.

Man Weekend gained yet another tradition, as yet unexercised. Man Weekend hats and pins were first distributed last year at Man Weekend 2003. The question of lost hats was considered during the intervening year and the result was the bright red Man Weekend Garment of Perpetual Regret, or the Man Thong. A lost Man Weekend Hat will be replaced for free with all appropriate pins provided the Man desirous of such a replacement agrees to being photographed wearing just the hat and the Man Weekend Garment of Perpetual Regret, with the image being posted to the Man Weekend web site and to be taken down only if the original hat is recovered. You have been warned. (The first Man to undergo the ordeal has an advantage. The Man Thong is clean now and will never be washed.)

The issue of lost and/or stolen pins hasn’t been resolved. There are a finite number of Man Weekend pins and since the institution of Man Weekend is expected to last for several generations, at least, there is a reluctance to freely issue replacements. Possibilities being considered are:

1. Charging a high price for replacement pins, with the proceeds going to commission the next series of pins.
2. Replacing lost pins on the loser’s fifth or tenth year anniversary.
3. Requiring the Garment of Perpetual Regret ordeal.

The attendance pin policy needs clarification. Attendance pins are accrued for each year of attendance, but are not awarded if the Man Weekend Hat is not present. All this means is that if you forget your hat one year (a not uncommon occurrence) you’ll get two pins next year.

All Men are cautioned to keep Allen Heurtley apprised of their e-mail address so that future announcements (Man Weekend 2005!) will be received. Please send Man Weekend 2004 pictures to Charles so they can be posted on the web site.

HIGHGATE SPRINGS – Man Weekend, a physical and psychological experiment that annually tests the limits of Man’s endurance for alcohol posioning, sleep deprivation, and sunburn; was another incredible success in 2003 with 23 Men representing six cottages.

Many of you will be familiar with the term “schedule creep”. Man Weekend is experiencing a unique form of schedule creep in that eager Men are showing up earler and earlier with some Men arriving Wednesday this year! At this rate it’ll only take some 360 years before Man Weekend transforms into Wife and Kids Weekend when we all go home to see them for a few days.

All the classic elements were well represented this year: boats, beer, fishing, beer, manly food, beer, golf, beer, pipes and cigars, beer, fire, and some more beer. More time was spent this year in front of the TV watching, er, hockey! Gosh weren’t those Stanley Cup prelims exciting?

Last year’s sacrifice to the Boat Gods seemed to have worked because there were no major problems with boats this year. A small armada went forth Friday morning into fine weather that lasted all day. Not much was caught on Friday. Gilbert’s prize-winning 1.6 pound bass was the best catch that day. There were some pike and other bass. Richard’s mudfish was just a warning of the deluge that was to follow.

There were no safari trips this year (please correct me if I’m wrong) but there was some gratuitous fun with speedboats. We’ve come a long way from 5HP outboards baby!

The fishing on Saturday was better with more pike caught including Mike’s prize-winning (photo proof pending) 29″ 5 pounder caught on a Mepps. Is the State of Vermont stocking the bay with mudfish or something? Richard was so sure that he’d won the exotic fish prize on Friday but then on Saturday so many mudfish were brought up that the exotic prize was canceled.

Future fistfights over fish pool rules have been averted by an emergency executive committee meeting (of whoever happened to be around) that decided that the pool will be forever abandoned and instead Frank Martin’s (a handyman that took care of Camp Randolph’s infrastructure for about 100 years) tackle box will be cleaned up and mounted on a board to be given as a trophy to the Man who catches the biggest fish each year. All men are charged to bring something to stock it with.

Instead of his ATV this year Richard brought an 18′ diameter dome tent (Shelter Systems) to house the overflow of Men he was certain would be pouring out of Edgewood. He was wrong, wrong, wrong about Edgewood but the tent (named “The Tit”) was fun anyway. (Dennis, who got stung by a wasp twice in the tent, might say otherwise.) It was furnished with cots, tables, chairs, rugs, a huge cooler, and fine literature and proved to be comfortable if a bit hot in the sun.

The coolest thing at Man Weekend this year was Patrick’s remote control four wheeler. You’re going to have to wait for Patrick to write about about it because I don’t know a thing. The nicest thing was Ned’s beautiful hand made wood kayak.

Instead of tee shirts this year all Men in attendance were presented with cheap baseball caps adorned with Man Weekend pins. One was designed by Charles and is of the “Drink up, boys!” guy from the Man Weekend web site. The others were designed by Richard and are attendance stars as follows: copper = 1 year, silver = 5 years, gold = 10 years. Additional stars will be awarded for subsequent years of attendance. The Man Weekend cap is the perfect fashion accessory for a long drive to Highgate.

Except for the Man Dinner meals are not very organized. Richard makes coffee in the Man Urn every morning he’s there. (Sorry you guys who arrived before Thursday.) Fred grilled up some sausage Friday night. Glenn was frying stuff all weekend long. Patrick took charge of the Man Dinner and worked magic on 40 pounds of steak and some shrimp and mushrooms. That’s one hell of a meal to try to top! If the evening fires get any hotter we may have the material to try lava baked chicken.

And speaking of the evening fire, Arthur outdid himself collecting (with some help from some other guys) driftwood and bucking it up and splitting it. He was caught sawing up wood at midnight on Saturday to keep the fire going. Ned brought more fine dry hardwood carpentry scraps. There was some discussion about What To Burn but eventually another boat was brought out to appease the Boat Gods. Despite the appearance of pyromania the Men prepared a garden hose and brought out a fire extinguisher in case things got out of hand.

Some Men went out fishing Sunday morning but didn’t catch much. Most of the Men have a long drive home and are eager to make an early start so they can start the wife appeasing process and get some sleep.

Man Weekend 2002 officially started at midnight between Thursday and Friday when it was discovered that there was no more beer in Tobey cottage fridge. You’ve never seen such a group of suddenly wide-awake, sober, serious, and somber Men in all your life. Then Ty remembered about two cases in his van and, after the Men swore a collective oath to never let such a thing happen ever again, levity was restored. In accordance to tradition no one but Richard tried to get any sleep that night and in further accordance to tradition Richard was kept awake by the loud laughter of the other Men at his folly.

The weather was excellent and the lake level was high. Weeds, and therefore fish, were found on the other side of the bay but while several sizeable fish were sighted the catch was almost all of the smaller variety not worthy of further mention. There were several independent navigations of the Safari route. The boat situation was enhanced by the timely and almost accidental acquisition, by the Men of the Edgewood cottage, of the Red Rocket, a boat comparable to the Ty-tanic in all respects save perhaps in the area of cleverness of name. All boats ran wonderfully which does not bode well for next year. There’s nothing that angers the Boat Gods more than being pleased with one’s boat.

Uncle Bud served in the capacity of Senior Man. Other welcome First Men were Uncle Bud’s fucking new son Alex, Allen’s friends McAnus, Ian, Patrick, and (finally) Sean; Condom’s friend Rich, Richard’s neighbor Dennis (who made an afternoon appearance at Man Weekend 2001), and David’s son Justin and his friend Paul. May they always return.(Someone’s going to have to convince Justin that he really was here however because he doesn’t remember any of it.)

Glenn awed and amazed all of Highgate by simplifying his massive production of Man-worthy consumables and frying everything. The Man Mess starred two fried turkeys. As Glenn was packing up his frying infrastructure he carefully poured the then rather experienced oil back into the jugs from whence it came and promised to bring it back again next year. Thus is the stuff of Man Weekend traditions.

Returning Man Weekend 2001 participants were presented tee shirts with Allen’s “2001: A Man Odyssey” logo. The leading candidate so far for vintage 2002 tee shirts is Charles’ “Worried Turkey” logo. (“Worried Turkey” would be a great name for a whisky.)

After dinner the Men made the traditional sacrifice to the Boat Gods and took care of the rest of the Sea Nymph in the Ridge grill. Ned donated a quantity of kiln-dried hardwood scraps and was rewarded when Emma Gove thought that the whole hillside had caught fire. The butane lighter fuel explosion video is destined to become the weekend’s definitive documentary record. This year’s sacrifice produced pounds and pounds of melted aluminum nuggets in elaborate geometric patterns, as opposed to the few ounces produced last year. Already major metropolitan art museums have made inquiries to obtain specimens of these rare works.

Photographs of this year’s event will be posted you-know-where as they clear the Man Weekend censorship committee. The committee takes its work very seriously so those of you with unpublished imagery please forward it to the Man Weekend Webmaster with confidence. You can rest assured that only the most embarrassing and incriminating pictures will be made public worldwide.

Man Weekend 2003 will be held on the now-traditional weekend two weeks after Memorial Day. The theme, meat, and sacrifice are yet to be determined and suggestions are welcome. As always Man Weekend 2003 participation is not obligatory. We already have a catalog of stories (lies) to tell about any fools who fail to show.